Words of Affirmation

Communicating Love through Words of Affirmation.

1. Starting with a quote by Dr. Mike Murdock, he said " Say only what you want another to remember"
If the primary Love Language of your spouse is Words, then little remarks, comments or compliments can make a big difference. Words are important to everyone, yet for some people they are much more important because that is their love language.
Words coming from our spouse could mean a lot to us because its coming from someone very special.

2. Your Words can build up your spouse, or tear him/her down depending on "how" you use it.
One very important way we can communicate love to our spouse is through the words of our mouth.
John Maxwell once said, many people that speak bad and unkind words to people do it out of habit, without knowing it. Many people struggle with unkind words.
Some don't even see anything wrong in using unkind words.
Some people's conversations are naturally seasoned with discouragements, negativity, condemnations. These are fatal and poisonous to the health of relationships.

3. If your SPOUSE cannot trust you with things important to him/her, then you have been giving underdose of words of affirmation.
By saying words of Affirmation I mean KIND, PLEASANT and POSITIVE words or words that SUPPORT and ENCOURAGE your spouse.
Mr Muyiwa Adigun once said, never let another Man/Woman say sweeter words to your Spouse.
Words of affirmation could be a verbal compliment, an appreciation, an encouragement etc.

4. Your Words will either inspire courage, or produce discouragements.
Some people believe that it is your right to always express your mind.
You hear words like "just pour out your heart and say it as it is".
In relating with your spouse, empathy is key. See things from the other person's perspective. As much as you want to express your mind bear in mind that your words should minister grace to people.
To communicate love to your spouse through your words you have to see things through his/her perspective.

5. Now your WORDS can do either of the following
5a. Your Words can KILL A DREAM, AN IDEA or it can GIVE LIFE.
Our words carry power, it has death and life in it
Prov 18:21 says: Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

5b. It has the ability to BUILD UP or TEAR DOWN your spouse's self esteem and confidence.
I'm sure you don't want your spouse to be torn down. Be intentional with your choice of words.
That's why the word of God says to speak gracious words that has the ability to edify or builds up a man.
Eph 4:29 says Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers

6. The following happens when you use Words of Affirmation
6a. You inspire COURAGE into your spouse.
Inspired Words are encouragement.
Someone says "encouragement creates a genius"
Some abilities dormant in your spouse might just need a word of encouragement to be acted upon.
Encouragement is different from pressurizing. Don't just force your spouse to do something because you feel it's good for them
To encourage you must see the world from your spouse perspective.
Know and understand whats most important things to your spouse and encourage him/her to accomplish it.
Load your spouse with daily benefits of encouraging words.
Examples of words to avoid...

WRONG: You never call, or care about my well fare. I wonder what I have done wrong
RIGHT: Babe, how do we improve on our communication. I believe we can make things work out better between us.

And sometimes, our words mean good but the TONE... Oh my God, makes it totally bad.
Select the right words and the right tones. Else, you may mean one thing, but your tone will pass a different message across.

7. How to sweeten your Words
7a. APPRAISALS: Appraise your spouse for the things he/she does rather than criticizing him for the things he has not done.

7b. ENCOURAGEMENTS: Don't judge based on your spouse short comings.
Encourage him/her to do better next time.

7c. TONE: Be mindful of the tone of your voice.
The same words could mean different things depending on the the tone used.
Your tone of voice should express what's on your mind, because your words and your tone will eventually convey your message to your spouse.

7d. RESPOND DON'T REACT. Learn to respond softly to angry words spoken by your spouse. Reactions are usually based on inadequate information that leads to unintelligent actions. Responses are calculated actions emanating from a unperturbed mind.
Pro 15:1 A soft answer turn away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

7e. FORGIVE: Don't remind your spouse of his/her past mistakes.
Your words should bring healing rather than causing more harm.
Prov 12:18 says There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.

7f. IMAGE: create a great image of your spouse wherever you go. Learn to say positive and sweet things about your spouse whether he/she is present or not.
Prov 16:24 says Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.

7g. LISTEN: Be quick to hear and be slow to speak
Many people listen to reply, few listen to understand. Understanding is very vital to the growth of your relationship.
Prov 29:20
See a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him.
Prov 18:13
He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.